“Oh kitty. You’re the only one that gets me.” This is what Shania said to me after every break up and every failed date. It would almost be heartbreaking if it didn’t happen with pathetic frequency. In fact, her entire life’s routine was a bit desperate. She’d go to work in the big office full of windows and cubicles. When that was done, she’d go shopping in the same store every day, pushing an almost empty cart around for over an hour in hopes of accidentally bumping into some guy she often referred to as mister right. When he failed her once more, she’d buy her four or five items and come home. Every couple weekends, a co-worker feeling bad for Shania’s pitiful loneliness would arrange a blind date in hopes of solving her sadness.
On these nights, Shania would run a brush through her frizzy fur and groom herself to the best of her socially retarded ability. She would primp and preen, all the while, singing her feelings and hopes to me with sweet anticipation. Her howling was nice and I couldn’t help but purr alongside her tunes, even though I knew that it was merely the trumpeting herald of another night of dashed hopes and heavy heartbreak.
One night, after brushing my shedding from her baby blue sweater, my Shania traipsed out our apartment door and spent the evening with a pleasant looking human named Guy. He was a short hair with brown eyes and a deceivingly innocent looking smile. Being in touch with my feline senses, I knew Guy’s intentions were purely predatory and that he was going to treat my Shania in a manner that would hurt her and he was quick to prove me right. Guy wined her and dined her but often yowled at her condescendingly and did everything in his power to remind her that he was dominant, including humiliation and debasing insults. He wasn’t the only one.
Another human suitor was Kevin. Kevin was a short hair just like Guy but he had fur on his chin and wore glasses. Like Guy, Kevin was friendly looking and even took the time to scratch my chin while he waited for my human to be ready. From what Shania told me at the end of their courtship was that Kevin was aggressive and often struck her when he was angry. “Not really hard, kitty.” She would defend, “Just enough to let me know that I had crossed the line.” They lasted a couple weeks before he wandered back to his previous girl.
Shania’s co-workers tried every man they could, it seemed when a heavy tabby named Carlos rang our bell one of these sad song nights. He was a long hair and didn’t spend a lot of time on his own grooming. This heavy human always carried around a sweet stink of rot and even Shania seemed bothered. Of course, she was always too polite to say no which is, by no surprise, what ruined this odoriferous pairing. Though the thick man was nice, his downfall was his disturbing friendliness. He was physically overwhelming and pawed Shania too much and too intimately than she desired. Her protests were often outweighed by his mass and, though he didn’t take his unwanted affection to a destructive point, it was enough to make my owner sick.
Through all the tom cats that came through our lives, the most painful was a pretentious power player named Angelo. Angelo was the only man I knew Shania to get close to that had two colors of fur, a dark base coat with blond patches. He often wore the type of garb that Shania would always tell me is a sign of success. I know he was always very concerned with his image because he muttered and cursed every time he had to wipe my shedding from his pants. But Shania liked him a great deal and that was all that mattered.
I remember Shania’s birthday because it was just a few days before Thanksgiving and we usually feasted on bird for days while she tried to remind me of all the things she was thankful for. This birthday though, Shania didn’t eat with me. Granted, she made bird for us as she always does, that’s the great thing about her, no matter which guy walks into her life, she always made time for me.
That night, Angelo was going to treat Shania to a birthday she’d ‘remember forever’. He held good on his promise. Shania told me about their horse pulled carriage ride by the water. The dinner by candle light under the full moon. She showed me the clump of roses he gave to her and told me of the orchestra concert in the park. At first, I thought she was just telling me about another one of the sappy movies she’d watch while toying with a pint of ice cream but the light that burned in her eyes when she talked about Angelo on this night, that was the light of experience and I knew Angelo got what every tom cat prowls for. This is when I knew that he was ready to move on.
But I was wrong. Angelo and Shania spent more and more time together and the longer they went on with their pairing, the more Shania brushed her mane. Her clothes became less frumpy and her head would reach higher and higher. Shania was becoming more than just happy, she was finding value in herself. This Angelo was providing the one thing for my Shania that I could not, well…two things.
Christmas came and went and by the time Shania usually watched the big ball of lights drop on her television, Angelo was beginning to intrude upon our domestic lifestyle and even though this made my girl ecstatic, I was less than enthused. Suddenly, there were rules I was expected to follow. Unrealistic demands that Angelo required. The kitchen counter was suddenly off limits and every time I walked them, he would shove me to the ground. Her bedroom was unexpectedly off limits. Gone were the nights I would cuddle into the unbrushed breath of my human while she slept.
I tolerated all of this and more because Shania was lost in a fantasy land. She would spend her free time taking care of the man of her dreams. When he was late from work, when she and I had alone time together, she would profess her love for this creature. She often referred to him as her knight in shining armor, whatever that means. Not once did my Shania ask me why this obviously successful man was settling for the homely nobody that my girl is…was.
Humans have this thing they do called ‘getting married’. I don’t really understand the importance of it and I don’t know why they bother with such a thing but what I do know is that when Angelo proposed to Shania, she cried. She cried harder than on any lonely night that she let out her hurt. More than the one date that forced himself onto her in our living room, the night she screamed in pain. She cried and cried and the thing that got me was that she was purring through the whole thing, like this was the greatest thing to ever happen to her. I checked the ring and it didn’t smell like fish or chicken. This was the opposite of that night of forcefulness, she screamed but all she could say was ‘yes’.
They held one another all night and many nights after that. They grew closer and before long, these happy humans were ‘getting married’. I don’t know why he chose Valentine’s Day, the day Shania is usually the saddest, but I do know that I never want to be involved in another one of those as long as I live and I don’t know why Shania insisted on putting me in a dress. It was humiliating.
That night, they disappeared and when Shania left, she sang to me about her ‘happily ever after’. They were gone for a week and the large woman Shania works with came over every night to dine me.
When they returned, her happily ever after had the tender color of a three day old bruise. Shania’s eye was swollen shut and once more, her spirit was broken. Angelo the man disappeared and Angelo the monster took his place. Each night for the following week, this depraved beast would drag Shania by the hair or push her with his hind leg. He yelled and threw things. He dominated her repeatedly, on the couch, on the floor, behind the closed bedroom door. This beast with venomous claws made a living hurting my Shania and when she protested in pain, he would strike at her, smash on her, bruise her and break her. Why would she want this ‘getting married’ if all it brings is pain and suffering?
The second week of their marriage was drawing to a close and the agony was reaching a painful high. Many lonely nights, Shania would sing to me how she would cook her husband dinner every night and that their weekends would always be magical. This weekend’s magic was cursed and Angelo was not impressed with the dish she made him. As is the habit of this new monster, he threw his plate of food in disgust. Delicious chicken and broken porcelain shatter against the kitchen wall and I knew the time Shania put into the meal so I certainly didn’t want her to feel it was a waste but when I began picking the tender meat from the destruction on the floor, the monster delivered a spine shaking kick into me. I know we are supposed to land on our feet all the time but when your organs are forcefully rearranged, it’s a little tough to figure out which way is up.
I picked myself up from the linoleum floor just in time to watch this beast’s hand crash into Shania’s face. He followed up with another hammered fist and another. Shania yowled in pain as he continued to wail upon her, screaming at her about her inadequacies. In time, his lungs refused to bring in enough oxygen to fuel his hateful fire and he spat that she wasn’t even able to satisfy him sexually before storming out the apartment.
We limped to the bathroom covered in blood and tears. Shania held me so tight this night. She cried and howled and no matter how much I licked her salty cheeks, she couldn’t stop. This is the first time in so many months I heard her tell me, “Oh kitty. You’re the only one that gets me.” And the last.
She filled her bath tub with steaming water just like every other time she wanted to soak her heartache away and I stood on the back of her litter box as I always do. Shania lit her incense, those terrible sticks of stench. She whimpered to me as she stripped out of her human trapping and slipped into the man made hot springs.
I’ve heard Shania tell me she loves me my whole life but on this night, the way she said it was like loving me was the wrong thing to do, she said it like it was bad. She said it and apologized. “I’m so sorry kitty,” she said like that time she stepped on my tail and I questioned how loving me was bad as I watched her bath water darken. This red blanket pulled up from Shania’s hands and covered her natural body before eventually tinting the entire tub. Then Shania slept.
